The Green Eyed Monster!!!

It creeps unawares from deep down someplace within you, rapidly moving up to give you a sharp stab right in the middle of your heart. You can actually feel its ascend… the way it slithers fast, like a hissing, poisonous snake, whose forked tongue keeps pricking your mind, filling it with an intense  darkness where you can only see a totally magnified version of whatever is bothering you.  Your vision narrows down along with your mind and you are bombarded with a multitude of petty thoughts that keeps nagging you at every step. 

Like a bloodthirsty vampire, it sucks the happiness

out of your heart, replacing it with unnecessary, illogical doubts which only intensifies the darkest of the dark emotions that envelop your mind. One after the other, needless thoughts of an evil and suspicious nature starts sneaking into your overactive mind which has been clouded with the shroud of dark delusions, causing it to fill with a great deal of anger and misery born out of insecurity.

Beware of the green eyed monster.  It is more fatal than a virus that attacks your whole system and more dangerous than the deadliest of all weapons that are intended to kill. What it does is to attack from within, filling up your mind with the most irrational of thoughts combined with a blind fury that often leads to a deluge of tears. All this happens within a fraction of a second, leading often, to disastrous consequences, depending on the shade of green that you have become. I doubt if any human being in this world has ever bypassed this emotion. 

 Welcome to the world of pure jealousy!

Love is in the Air

Its that time of the year again, when the whole world is red in color, and love seems to be in the air… well, literally.

Hey! Wait a minute. When I say, ‘Love is in the air’, I am not talking about the air being sprinkled with magical ‘love dust’ that is responsible for an overdose of endorphins and dopamines to ecstatic couples in love. This is certainly not about the impish Cupid or our very own Kamadeva who goes haywire with flower decked arrows, totally sabotaging the lives of unsuspecting Homo sapiens either. Neither am I referring to the clandestine meetings between loving hearts who seem oblivious to the rest of the world, or the lovelorn singles who take advantage of the various cellular network signals and Smarphones to catch up with their beloved(s) in other parts of the world…

My statement is specifically targeted towards the ‘hearts’ that are seen strewed all over the place in this season of Love. Come February, and various types of ‘hearts’ hits the market. Hanging hearts, giant hearts, little hearts, diamond hearts, platinum hearts, golden  hearts, velvet hearts, glittering hearts, hearts held by fluffy teddy bears, heart shaped boxes filled with yummy, melt in the mouth heart shaped  chocolates, hearts printed onto perfume bottles, pen sets, make-up kits, books, greeting cards, handkerchiefs and what not... all very obviously, red in colour.  

There is just no escaping these hearts… They glare at you from display windows of bookstores, garment shops, stationary shops, shops selling electronic goods, sports shops, lifestyle shops, florists, bakeries, supermarkets, and even the local grocery outlet for that matter. Yesterday, when I went to the small shop across the street where I normally buy my vegetables and provisions,  I actually bumped my head onto a bunch of cheap, red, velvet heart shaped cushion-like stuff, that was seen hanging from hooks fixed on to the cobwebbed ceiling! Love certainly has come a long, dusty way…

Speaking of Valentine’s day, I cant help sympathize with the woes of a young male friend of mine who is struggling with ‘economics’ when it came to maintaining his love life. As per this Romeo, the birthday of his mother and brother, as well as his sister’s wedding anniversary, all fell on the second month of the year, with decent gifts required to be brought for all the three occasions. The recent trend of ‘gifting’ for Valentine’s day only added to his financial burden. 

After breaking his head over how to tackle the situation, he promptly landed with an idea. He brought one of those inexpensive heart shaped paper boxes of the smallest size, that literally fit into his pocket. After artistically gift wrapping the box, he placed it onto the waiting hands of his expectant girlfriend, who possibly assumed that the pretty box would contain something of value… perhaps a diamond ring or gold pendant…  The only thing that saved his life was the gift of the gab that he was sufficiently endowed with. Looking deeply into her eyes, he said soulfully, “This is my empty heart. Please fill it up your everlasting love”. Well.. this happened during last year’s Valentine’s day. I hope he has come up with a better lifesaver of an excuse this time or else, he is into serious trouble…

Anyways, the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. And sometimes, the best things in life are not things at all… but the people who make you feel loved and cared for. So cheers to all those who are in love… with their partners, parents, friends, siblings, children, pets, books, life.. Whatever… 

Happy Valentine’s day!!!

Good bye, Mr. R.K.Laxman...

A legend passes away… leaving a veritable treasure trove of immortal cartoons which has been representing the expectations, desires, dilemmas, and perhaps even shortcomings of the hapless Indian man since decades. And the best part of it was that he was greatly successful in bringing smiles to people’s daily lives without being spiteful, malicious, or offensive in any way. That, I guess, is the true mark of a genius cartoonist. The sad demise of ‘The Common Man’ will certainly leave an inconsolable void in the minds of his followers.

Reminded of my early college days, when inspired by his caricatures, I aspired to become a cartoonist. Disregarding my mother’s raised eyebrows, I enrolled in an correspondence course in cartooning from an Bombay based institution called ICS, after paying a princely sum of Rs.800. The first lot of study materials arrived by post to my excitement, and it called for hours of practice drawing lines and curves. I had to submit weekly assignments, and generally do a lot of hard work observing my surroundings, drawing objects and figures, and a whole lot of stuff that I found hard to stay focused on. Gradually, as my interest waned, my assignment submissions too started being erratic, and ultimately, stopped altogether.

That was when I realized that being a cartoonist didn't require much of study material or classroom tactics or Rs.800. All that was necessary was a humorous mindset, the ability to visualize and to capture imagination in paper, and most importantly, an inborn talent that I guess, I severely lacked. By the way, my mother still doesn't let me forget the fact that I wasted her 800 Rupees, especially when I start talking about any new venture which I plan to take up…

I choose to pay my tribute to this immortal legend by posting a few of his cartoons that invariably reflect his delightful wit and satirical humor in every possible way. These had appeared in the Times of India, and feel so very relevant to our times...

RIP, R.K.Laxman. We will miss you. 

PK Hai Kya?

Watched the Rajkumar Hirani – Aamir Khan movie, PK.

I used to wonder how a movie which has been given the green by the censor board can get so very controversial. Now I understand why a particular sect of our intellectual society considers it mortally dangerous enough to call for a total ban. I totally sympathize with these legal guardians of spirituality. PK, the movie, should be banned.

For one, PK deals with a major issue of our times… the institutionalization of religion. We have self-proclaimed God men, some of whom are highly successful in managing multi crore business enterprises in a very organized manner. They are not restricted to any particular religion or sect, and their success depends on how effectively they are able to touch the emotional quotient of the gullible common man, who are often neck deep in turmoil and look up to them for instant solutions to their problems. PK attacks such spiritual managers with a healthy dose of sarcastic humor. Just think about it.. if someone threatens to ruin your business, wouldn’t you get on the defensive? Wouldn’t you go to any lengths to protect it? So why blame those conditioned souls who are only ensuring their means of survival? Nope. No way. PK should be banned.

Sometimes truth gets very uncomfortable. The fact that the picture of Mahatma Gandhi has value only on a particular type of paper (currency note), is something which hits you right on the face. Again, PK deals with the necessity of having a relationship with God based on love, and not fear. But I guess, if that be the case, most of God’s so called ‘managers’ would run out of business because all they do is capitalize on the fear of the gullible common man who spend fortunes trying to appease God. Well.. it’s a fact, but who is Rajkumar Hirani or Aamir Khan to rub it on us? The larger population of our great country manages problems effectively by pretending they don’t exist. If this is hypocrisy, so be it, but PK should be banned.

We are the population of a great country that upholds cultural values and ethos. Morality plays a big part in shaping our life and lifestyles. Anything that threatens the foundation of this frail culture is a big no. In a country where it is pretty much easy to rape, eve tease, molest, pinch bottoms, grope, and generally get away even with murder, any act that is suggestive of expressing love or physical intimacy between a man and a woman is not acceptable. How on earth do we permit a lip to lip kiss between the protagonists of the movie? (Let us ignore the fact that we belong to an ancient civilization that among others, has witnessed the birth of great Hindu men like Vatsyayana and Jayadeva who had penned amazing treatises).  It is bad enough that PK features love (love jihad?)  between a Muslim man and a Hindu woman, but nothing could get more sacrilegious than the fact that the man happens to be a Pakistani. A Pakistani!!! God! PK should be banned without doubt.

Hey! Those of you who haven’t watched the movie yet, and are not convinced that PK disrespects Hinduism and everything connected with it, that PK ridicules our culture and tradition, that PK is a blot to our social views and a threat to our innate logical mindsets, why don’t you go watch the movie? After that, let us all stand up and call for a ban against anything remotely sensible in society. Let us all get together to curb the creative freedom of people, let us encourage our children to discriminate one another on the basis of caste, and more importantly, let us proudly admit the fact that we have enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.

Inevitable New Year Resolutions

My resolutions for 2015 are to accomplish the resolutions of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I promised them in 2012 and planned them in 2011….

Well… the years could certainly go backwards as I count the umpteen new years that passed me by, where I had diligently prepared exhaustive lists of do’s and don’ts, should do’s and could do’s that filled crisp, white pages of diaries that I invariably managed to misplace. Just the other day, as I was cleaning out my book shelf, out came a blue hard bound diary with gilt edged pages, of 2010, that was stashed away with some of my ‘should-read-again’ favorite books.  I opened it excitedly and guess what! There was this list of my resolution for the year 2010 listed out on the first page itself, in my best handwriting. It went something like this…

1. Lose weight
2. Enroll in the gym
3. Start yoga
4. Snack on salads and fruits.
5. Cut out sweets from diet.
6. Go for a walk daily.
7. Tidy up my cupboard often.
8. Get more organized.
9. Spend time gardening.
10. Find a new hobby.

Ha! Looks like some resolutions never change! If I were to create a list today, I am certain that it would contain more or less similar goals with the weight loss goal being foremost among them.  

For one, the ‘weighty issue’ that I have had to confront since God knows when, has never been solved till now. My ideal weight is still eons away, very much beyond sight, but hopeful and optimistic that I am, I still ponder diligently over ways and means of losing my stubborn flab. Was it King Solomon who said, “Try, try, try again”?

Every child of this generation knows that diminishing the blubber requires a strong control over the diet. That is exactly when the sensible mind in me listed out the goal of cutting out off sweets from my diet. Each year, the first two weeks of January sees me as a totally controlled person, careful about each morsel that enters my mouth. I stock up my fridge with carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes and all the good stuff which promises a stomach full of healthy calories. Then comes a Sunday, where someone walks in with a box full of black forest pastries and forces me to take a teeny weeny bite. That’s it. Then it is a long wait till the coming January 1^st, where I restart my no-sweet resolution.  

Looking back at the year 2010, I think I really deserved a pat on my back because true to my list of goals created, I remember having enrolled both in a gym and the yoga class. Every single day, for about 6 months, as the clock struck 6 in the morning, I would drive down to the yoga class, sleepy eyed, but filled with enthusiasm, and do bouts of surya namaskars, yoga mudras’, vipareethakaranis’, and a whole lot of other asanas under the watchful eye of the zero-sized instructor who would be comfortably sitting on the pedestal, blurting out instructions. I must say that the only thing that I lost in those six months was an extra hour of sleep that I would have otherwise enjoyed. True to my Gemini blood, I gave it up in about 6 months’ time…  The gym was another story altogether, where a bunch of like-figured, not-so-petite ladies soon formed a ‘bum chum’ association and very soon, someone or the other would always be bringing some homemade goodies to eat, just so that we didn’t get too bored on the treadmill or elliptical trainer. In about 3 months time, I was ready to give that up too, and my gain this time was quite a bit of valuable bonds of friendship that is still going strong, along with a few inevitable kilos.

The other things in my list had more or less the same fate and will be a subject for another day. But I must say one thing about myself. Being a diehard optimist and a stubborn one at that, I never give up on creating resolutions.

Today, I am sitting in front of an open brand new diary, listing out my resolution for 2015. Inevitably, the first in the list is a goal to ‘lose weight’.